Event: Clauston New Pool Society, Weekly Gatherings (Fridays @ 5 pm)

By Lisa G. | February 9, 2056

One million years ago our planet was still a molten ball of firey gas and lava. The first abiogenetic organisms to crawl from this primordial crucible only had one goal: to survive until they were able to reproduce, thus furthering the long march of life towards civilization. Thus emerged the illumination of the first man-ape, the bounties of the Agricultural Revolution, and the spread of our species across the globe, first on their own two feet, and then in ships, on horseback and mule, and finally upon the mighty backs of those great mechanical beasts, the railroad and the personal automobile. We have in many ways grown since these ancient times - but in others, we remain the same, chasing evolving pleasures equal in value to the fulfilment of those basic survival instincts which first animated our ancient, pre-human ancestors in their journey from the murky antediluvian seas to the land, and from the land back to the ever-broadening seas. In our present era, these circumstances have aligned just so in order to provide the average American the ability to go swimming in a swimming pool at least once per week if we so choose. Why? Now you're finally asking the right questions...

Join us on Friday nights at 5:00 pm EST at the Rambling Roads Cafe for your weekly dose of community action, lively group discussions, and complementary beverages and snacks! Newcomers are always welcome.

What? We are a group of concerned community members who are uniting to take action on the causes that matter to us. This April, the Clauston City Council designated the empty lot on the corner of Park Street and General Ulysses Patton Avenue (Lot 35-1) as the site of the city's new youth hockey rink, despite well-voiced concern from locals about the impact this would have on the character of our historic downtown.

In prior years, calls had been raised to make better use of the lot through installing an indoor swimming pool, which would benefit the entire community (rather than just hockey-inclined youth), beautify our city square, and provide a new source of revenue for the town. In April, these calls were renewed and further strengthened, but fell upon deaf ears as construction began.

It's time to rise up and fight for what we believe in! Join us in our new grassroots campaign to SAVE CLAUSTON from the new youth hockey rink. Make your voice heard for a NEW POOL INSTEAD of the hockey rink.

Why? We believe that everyone deserves access to a swimming pool if they so choose. We want a swimming pool, dammit, and we're going to have one no matter what it takes.

We've heard some of you lousy snakes are not in favor of the swimming pool idea and here's what we have to say to you:

It doesn't matter that there is already a lake nearby. The lake is full of yucky brown water.
The swimming pool would be indoors and thus it would be usable year round for those of us who don't pack up and ship off to the Keys every winter like a flock of fat, overweight, disgustingly obese, heat-seeking animals.
We actually have over 50 signatures already in favor of the pool, including the signature of at least one City Council member. And some of the other City Council members told us privately that they couldn't sign it for "political reasons" but that they thought it was a good idea.

We're one of only thirteen towns in the entire county that doesn't have a swimming pool. Have you ever thought about that? Doesn't that make you upset? Doesn't it make you want to do something really threatening and hateful to the people who have chosen, for their own selfish reasons, to marginalize you, degrade you, and destroy your sense of peace and idea that there is anything safe or fair in the world? Don't you want to fucking get what you want for once in your life? If you can relate to any of these concerns, come to the Rambling Roads Cafe on Fridays and join our intrepid crew to finally set these wrongs right and provide a well-needed resource for the Clauston downtown community!

When? Every Friday at 5:00 pm EST.

How? Changemaking is hard work, especially when you're fighting against vested interests that are determined to get their way regardless of what others want. Our campaign is organized around three main principles:

We're here to stay, so we get a say.
Downtown is for all, not just for some.
Hockey is for ugly lesbians.

These values guide us as we take our fight right to where it counts: the highest halls of the Clauston Board of the Borough Commissioner's Office. But to win this battle, we need to mobilize every soldier in our battalion - in other words, we need you! If you've ever wanted to do something meaningful with your life and make a real difference for your fellow man during your limited time on the planet Earth, which I guess nobody even cares about anymore, then prove me wrong and join us this Friday, and bring a friend!

Snacks will be nut free but may contain gluten.

Questions? Email Lisa at lilibunny2@yahoo.com - or join our Facebook Group "Clauston for a New Pool Society."

The Daily Serpent is independently published by and for students.